Consequences
Many people believe that Conscious Discipline doesn't hold kids accountable for their choices. That couldn't be more wrong. In fact, the skill of Choices and Consequences are 2 of the 7 core skills. We must view consequences as a way for the child to learn from their mistakes. A child sitting their entire recess or lunch period alone for not doing their homework doesn't teach them how to manage their time and get their homework done. It's a punishment, not a consequence. Conscious Discipline doesn't intend to punish children, but give them logical, related consequences so they can be guided and learn from their behavior choices. For many of our kids, their behaviors happen before they even realize it, they are not a conscious choice. So, we have to teach them, even the big kids have to be explicitly taught. Remember: "Discipline is NOT something we do TO children, it's something we develop WITHIN them." Dr. Becky Bailey.
A third grader skips in line, pushing and shoving to get to the front for water. You say "You may not skip your classmates. You may wait patiently in line or you may wait with me. If you skip and push your friends in line again, you will have to stand with me until the line has all had water so I can keep your classmates safe and you can help. Tell me what will happen if you skip and push in line again?" Make sure the child understands. When it happens again, you know the child understood, so now you give the consequence. The child has to stand with you until the others have had water rather than waiting in line.
A five year old walks up to a group of kids playing with toy cars. He snatches the car from another child. You say "You may wait your turn or play with a different toy when all of the cars are taken by other students. You may not snatch toys from your friends. If you snatch a toy again, you will have to sit at the table and play by yourself. Tell me what will happen if you snatch toys again." Listen and clarify if necessary. If he snatches again (which he probably will), you move him to a table by himself with an activity he can do. Be sure to remind him it's your job to keep the classroom safe and his job to help keep it that way.
ALL IMPOSED CONSEQUENCES & PROBLEM SOLVING COME BACK TO YOU KEEPING THE CLASSROOM SAFE AND THE KIDS HELPING KEEP IT THAT WAY.
Three types of consequences:
1) Natural Consequences - These happen naturally as a result of your actions. I left spaghetti sauce on high the other day, and it burned. The consequence of me not paying attention to what I was doing was burned spaghetti. When a child touches a hot stove, the natural consequence is it's hot. When a child is being whiney, none of her friends want to play.
2) Imposed Consequences - These are consequences we put in place AFTER we KNOW the child possesses the skills necessary to make a better choice and are these consequences are predetermined and discussed. For example, you explain to your students that if they don't turn in their papers with the date, you will deduct 5 points. So, when a child turns in a dateless paper, you take off 5 points. You can't just deduct the points without the child knowing what would happen ahead of time. You may tell your teenager "If you don't come home by your curfew, you will not be allowed to go out with your friends for a week.", then you know they understood the consequences of their choices, when they don't make it in, they lose the privilege of going for a week. We impose consequences when we KNOW the child made a conscious choice and they knew better.
3) Problem Solving - This is similar to one on one coaching, or group coaching in the class meeting. When a child exhibits chronic behavior, they aren't going to be able to change it with you explaining it to them one time and then having the consequence. This behavior has become a habit and will require problem solving and intervention. These kids needs more explicit adult intervention. Having consequences isn't meaningful at this stage - the consequence is the problem solving sessions. It's getting more to the root of the problem and helping the child self regulate and replace the undesirable behavior with a more appropriate one. This can take place one on one or in a class meeting.
A third grader skips in line, pushing and shoving to get to the front for water. You say "You may not skip your classmates. You may wait patiently in line or you may wait with me. If you skip and push your friends in line again, you will have to stand with me until the line has all had water so I can keep your classmates safe and you can help. Tell me what will happen if you skip and push in line again?" Make sure the child understands. When it happens again, you know the child understood, so now you give the consequence. The child has to stand with you until the others have had water rather than waiting in line.
A five year old walks up to a group of kids playing with toy cars. He snatches the car from another child. You say "You may wait your turn or play with a different toy when all of the cars are taken by other students. You may not snatch toys from your friends. If you snatch a toy again, you will have to sit at the table and play by yourself. Tell me what will happen if you snatch toys again." Listen and clarify if necessary. If he snatches again (which he probably will), you move him to a table by himself with an activity he can do. Be sure to remind him it's your job to keep the classroom safe and his job to help keep it that way.
ALL IMPOSED CONSEQUENCES & PROBLEM SOLVING COME BACK TO YOU KEEPING THE CLASSROOM SAFE AND THE KIDS HELPING KEEP IT THAT WAY.
Three types of consequences:
1) Natural Consequences - These happen naturally as a result of your actions. I left spaghetti sauce on high the other day, and it burned. The consequence of me not paying attention to what I was doing was burned spaghetti. When a child touches a hot stove, the natural consequence is it's hot. When a child is being whiney, none of her friends want to play.
2) Imposed Consequences - These are consequences we put in place AFTER we KNOW the child possesses the skills necessary to make a better choice and are these consequences are predetermined and discussed. For example, you explain to your students that if they don't turn in their papers with the date, you will deduct 5 points. So, when a child turns in a dateless paper, you take off 5 points. You can't just deduct the points without the child knowing what would happen ahead of time. You may tell your teenager "If you don't come home by your curfew, you will not be allowed to go out with your friends for a week.", then you know they understood the consequences of their choices, when they don't make it in, they lose the privilege of going for a week. We impose consequences when we KNOW the child made a conscious choice and they knew better.
3) Problem Solving - This is similar to one on one coaching, or group coaching in the class meeting. When a child exhibits chronic behavior, they aren't going to be able to change it with you explaining it to them one time and then having the consequence. This behavior has become a habit and will require problem solving and intervention. These kids needs more explicit adult intervention. Having consequences isn't meaningful at this stage - the consequence is the problem solving sessions. It's getting more to the root of the problem and helping the child self regulate and replace the undesirable behavior with a more appropriate one. This can take place one on one or in a class meeting.